This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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