I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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