Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
