Pregnant stripper...not hot.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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