We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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