Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
