Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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