idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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