So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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