i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
