I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize