Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
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