Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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