The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
