i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
