We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
