He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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