she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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