Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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