i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize