So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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