Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
