Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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