you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
pop tarts are not kleenex
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
