when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
