Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
