Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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