I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
