Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
There are leaves in my underwear?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
