I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
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