u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
