I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
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my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
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A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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