is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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