Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
