there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
