I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
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He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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