he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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