We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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