I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Its about making memories worth repressing
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
