Define "chronic" masturbator.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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