Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
