I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
