Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
