so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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