Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
