Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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