just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
