she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
