I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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