Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
