doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
