you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
