Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
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