You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
My balls are so social today.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
