a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso