I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
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Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
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I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"