Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
