so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
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