So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
