Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
What did we do last night that was yellow?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
