just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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