My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Someone shattered a urinal.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
