I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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