some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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