I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Randomize
