capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
My ATM looks so different sober.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
